How Photography has helped my Mental Health
I had been struggling with depression for a while at this point. I had found myself at the end of an abusive relationship… or so I thought. To get these horrible thoughts I had driven to see my best friend since High School and catch up… it was 3am when I was driving over the hills back to my house. To my empty house. I didn’t want to go. Then an idea popped into my head. I pulled over at the nearest layby and pulled out my phone, searching for the sunrise time in my area I then put a small plan together.
It was cold, it always is at the middle of the night. However, knowing that I would be in either a house or a car for the evening I hadn’t bothered to pack anything warm to wear. I had a GoPro as well… if I were going to watch the sunrise it would be nice to film it as well. A way to preserve the memory. I didn’t have a DSLR or anything dedicated camera at this point. Photography wasn’t much of a thing for me yet.
I got back to my house, picked up a waterproof blanket, coat and my GoPro and headed straight back out. I had to get to the Sailing Club as soon as I could. I had been here many times before as a member of the sailing club, and figured that it would be one of the best places to watch the sunrise above the rolling hills of Yorkshire, get the light reflecting off the water as well. I found the heading of which the sun would be rising and positioned myself accordingly on the opposite side of the reservoir.
I had brought the waterproof blanket so I could set it down on the wet grass as I knew I was going to be there for a few hours at least.
First the civil twilight came, and the world started to wake up. The birds started to fly across the water, making noises as they went. Cars hadn’t come to this area yet, they might be busy already in the cities, but here the only noises were the water lapping against the sides of the reservoir and the birds coming to life.
Soon enough the sun began to crest over the hills far off in the distance.
After all the struggle I had been though that year so far, the depression, losing my job, an abusive relationship which plagued my mind… this was the first time that my mind felt quiet, the first time where it felt like, at least for a moment, my mind was at peace. I could breathe easy. I was in the moment. It didn’t matter that I hadn’t slept the entire night. It didn’t matter that my ex was going to start texting me to continue our fight in a couple of hours. (I was stupid and instead of cutting her off I still had some feelings… this led to getting back with her a week later only for me to finally call it that evening when things kicked off again). In that moment, the rest of the world didn’t exist. It was just me, the sun and the birds flying back and forth.
The phone I had at the time was the Samsung Note 4 which was a good phone, with a somewhat decent camera, one of the best around when I initially bought the phone. Even though the GoPro was recording I wanted to get some photos. Wanted to make sure I had ones that I was happy with. I lined up my phone with what I thought would make a good photograph. It was only later that I found that I had been using some compositional techniques to put my photo together.
After the sun had fully risen and the rest of the world had woken up, I realized that it was now time to head home. To that cold and lonely house… but it didn’t feel so cold and lonely anymore. Just taking the time to sit there and watch such a beautiful thing unfold before me had taken the stress away. It had also given me something to look forward to. I had some photos on my phone that I was proud of! It was something that I had made that I could be proud of! I couldn’t wait to show my friends and family, to share it to social media.
I got home and headed straight for bed, the tiredness taking over. It didn’t matter what was going to happen for the rest of that day. It didn’t matter what had happened the week before. I was too focused on that amazing moment and the fact that I had managed to grab a photograph that I felt did it justice.
Several years later, I have taken lots and lots of photos of other landscapes, sunrises and sunsets, models and friends. A lot of those photos will have more fans then the photo I grabbed at the sailing club that day, but for me… for me that photo will always be my favourite as it is the start of everything.
Throughout this series of ‘How Photography has helped my Mental Health’ I’m going to talk about how photography will help people with their mental health, whether that be depression or anxiety. There are many different types of photography, from the type of equipment you use to the subjects that you shoot. My initial focus is landscape photography. This gets me out the house and finding locations that I find stunning. It drives me to investigate my local area as well as go further afield. I’ve only lived in Cornwall for 4 years now, yet I constantly find myself knowing more places to go to then my friends. It gives me a break when the world has gotten too hectic, to go out on a walk with more purpose then wandering aimlessly along a path. When I get home and put my photos into lightroom, chuck on some music and headphones, I get to feel productive and take some pride in my work earlier that day.
To finish this first story off: I met my family for lunch that afternoon, grabbed some Fish and Chips at the local Chippy and decided a good picnic spot would be… you guessed it… the sailing club. It was only when we arrived there that I remembered what I had done that morning. I pulled my phone out and showed my family. They couldn’t believe I had caught such an image on a smartphone. My Mum then asked me if photography was something that I liked. I said it was something I would like to explore. We discussed it, she felt that I had a natural eye for photography and if I intentionally pursued it, I could become decent at it. Later that day she told me to find a decent DSLR camera to buy that wasn’t too expensive, it was going to be my birthday present… but my birthday wasn’t for another month, however she wanted me to have the camera ASAP to capitalise on the energy I had had that morning. Two days later my Nikon D3300 arrived and I headed out to the East Coast in my car driving through the night to get another photo.
