Guiding Light in the Darkness
This one is a little different, the photo was taken back in January of this year (2020). It was taken at a difficult time in my life. The reason I am uploading this photo now is twofold. First, I’m going to write about the photo, and then I’ll write about why I’m uploading it now, instead of a more recent photo.
The Lighthouse is Godrevy Lighthouse, on the Northern coast of Cornwall, between Portreath and St Ives, it stands proud on its island and as many serves as a point of focus and a landmark. I remember as a child when we used to camp next to Godrevy beach, we would drive for 8 hours to get there, and the moment you knew you were there was when that Lighthouse came into view. The excitement it sparked in me as a child, sat in the back of my Dad’s car wedged between all our camping gear. Now that I live in Cornwall it serves as a place to go to remember the past, to remember that excitement and all the fun times that were had along that coastline.
On this evening, after struggling to adapt to the new norm on my return to Cornwall of having to look after Kernow (my dog) by myself, in a boat where it was getting chilly in the evenings, no matter how much heating I had on. Times were tough. A friend of mine, a lady by the name of Felicitas, asked if it would help to join her on a walk, she would bring her dog and I would bring mine and we could just let them run around on the beach. We met there, with pasties in hand and headed down to the beach. I was trying to stay in the habit of always bringing my camera with me, no matter what I was doing. With it being the middle of January, it was getting dark very soon in the day.
To be honest I had no intentions of getting any photos that day, just knew that I needed to keep the habit of bringing the camera gear with me. I was more focused on chatting to my friend, who was like a breath of fresh air after how the winter months had been treating me. However, the sky started to change, and the colours started to shift to the evening glow, as the last remnants of the sun’s light were sent scattering across the sky, bouncing from cloud to cloud. I had gotten some photos of the dogs running around tiring each other out, then I looked towards the lighthouse… grabbing this photo as I did so.
That night, back on the boat, I went through editing the photos, but even though Felicitas had lifted my spirit, once I entered my cold dark home I felt, once more, overwhelmed and like I was drowning. The relief was only brief. I liked the photos that I had taken that day. I sent a photo I had taken of her dog to her, which she was grateful for. However, I couldn’t find the energy to post the photos anywhere. It may not sound like a lot of effort to post a photo; the hard part is done right? But I detest what I call the “admin” work of it all. Taking the photos, I love. Editing the photos, I love. Writing, I love, whether that be about my photos or other creative endeavours. However, the formatting, the uploading and adding hashtags of it all, I hate doing it. So back in January… I just… didn’t do it. There was no one paying for it, no one expecting it and I was struggling with everything.
Skip forwards through the months and I picked myself back up. I made sure that Kernow got the best of me before anyone else did, even myself. I would rather make sure that he had food rather than myself, though I always made sure that I was staying in the best health that I could at the time. I attended University going to as many lectures, tutorials and seminars as I could, making sure to participate in social events, I even went out for night’s out with a couple of people on my course. It would take a couple of days to recover, but it was good fun.
Then Lockdown hit the UK, I was lucky as it didn’t affect my day to day very much, and so took the time to rest and recover, focus on myself. I no longer had to put physical effort into going to the University. I started to eat even healthier meals then I had before. I picked up my guitar again and started to play.
I was in good health, I finished my first year of University, with all my assignments complete and handed in on time, to which I got marks that I was happy with.
Then two weeks ago, I had a lapse in judgement and overestimated myself. I accidentally overexerted myself causing another flare up of my condition. My knees are in constant pain, as is my back and walking anywhere for any distance or time is painful. Tasks that don’t normally need thinking about now take preparation and determination. I’m struggling to find the energy for anything throughout the days and hence motivation is lacking. I’ve not been able to go out and get photos as I would like to, experience new places worth capturing and writing about. For the most part I am stuck inside. It feels like I’m back at Day 1.
So, this photo serves as a reminder to myself. A reminder that it’s okay to be back at Day 1, it’s okay to start over and try again, as long as you learn the lessons from the last time. It’s okay to live within your limits, whatever they may be that day, especially if you’re trying to recover as you don’t want to be set back to day one.
One day soon I’ll go back to that beach and let Kernow run wild, but I can’t do that if I keep pushing the boundaries on what I can do right now. I must take it day by day. I must remember the most important lesson of all: Consistency is key. Just by doing a little bit each day you will get there eventually; you don’t have to try and get there in one day. Or even one week. As long as you keep moving forward in the direction you have chosen for yourself, you will get there.
I hope to be able to get some new photos soon, with going places in the car and capturing photos from the passenger’s seat, whether that be on my DSLR, Drone or even my phone camera… it doesn’t matter, if I can at least obtain one photo in the day that I am proud of and means something to me, then I have progressed and won that day.
